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....like so many times before. My arm's not better, in fact, it's worse than before, and at work they keep giving me register shifts, which doesn't help. I'm staring to wonder if I'll ever see the end of this.
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...in short patches, at least. It's been ALMOST FOUR MONTHS. I will tell more later, but I'm worried that I might exceed my typing quota for the day. Suffice to say that I've been MISERABLE. I'm doing strength exercises with a soup can now. YAY!
We're leaving for Sweden on Tuesday and I'm crawling out of my skin. I've been a nervous wreck for the last month or so, because of finances and drawing and period and I don't know what. I hope things will get better once this trip is over. Or hey, maybe during the trip, even? MAYBE THIS WILL ACTUALLY BE FUN??
Just yesterday, an old friend from my hometown emailed to say she bought a house - "So the next time you visit Sweden, you'll have a place to stay in town!". Cringe. I hadn't told her I'm coming to Sweden, because the agenda appears fully booked just being with my parents, who live an 8 hour drive away from my hometown and gas is $9/gallon over there.
I don't know why EVERYTHING is a big huge deal with me these days.
Just yesterday, an old friend from my hometown emailed to say she bought a house - "So the next time you visit Sweden, you'll have a place to stay in town!". Cringe. I hadn't told her I'm coming to Sweden, because the agenda appears fully booked just being with my parents, who live an 8 hour drive away from my hometown and gas is $9/gallon over there.
I don't know why EVERYTHING is a big huge deal with me these days.
Today, I flipped out. I threw coffee at the kitchen window, a sandwich in the sink, a trash bin across the room and a fit in pretty much every direction. Busy's tail grew huge, Markus ran away from me and my hubby emerged from his killer work session in the basement to just stare at me.
Then he gave me a hug and made me more coffee.
/sheepish.
Then he gave me a hug and made me more coffee.
/sheepish.
Saturday is here and I have totally failed. I now have 3 lbs to go. I think I hear laughter coming from my belly region.
On the bright side, I've noticed some muscle tone popping up here and there. And I can now do 30 proper leg lifts whereas I had trouble with just five when I started.
On the bright side, I've noticed some muscle tone popping up here and there. And I can now do 30 proper leg lifts whereas I had trouble with just five when I started.
I was going to Skype with Dad an hour ago and he has yet to show up. Story of my life. And if he does show up, he'll act oblivious to being late and I won't call him out on it, because I don't want to wipe that goofy grin off his face.
I guess I'm supposed to chalk this up to his Asperger's now.
I guess I'm supposed to chalk this up to his Asperger's now.
I've been without Internet for DAYS! Our modem died and the new one finally arrived. After 2 hours on the phone with various tech support people, it finally seems to have started working on its own. I'm excited.
I'm also a complete psycho and need to somehow learn how to finish a drawing without tearing the paper to pieces and throwing the materials across the room. Seriously, is there therapy for this kind of thing? It's a genuine problem.
I made this the other day, and we had it with steak. It was lovely. However, if you don't have access to wasabi-strength radishes handpicked on an organically grown farm (which we didn't), I recommend you add pepper. Next, we will make this.
I've had my very first French macaron (yes, on a day when we went off the diet). They are now all I can think about. They dance before my vision. Especially the pistachio flavored kind, but I know there are so many more! I want sugar, have I said that? SUGAR. Gah. Only 4.5 lbs left.:(
I'm also a complete psycho and need to somehow learn how to finish a drawing without tearing the paper to pieces and throwing the materials across the room. Seriously, is there therapy for this kind of thing? It's a genuine problem.
I made this the other day, and we had it with steak. It was lovely. However, if you don't have access to wasabi-strength radishes handpicked on an organically grown farm (which we didn't), I recommend you add pepper. Next, we will make this.
I've had my very first French macaron (yes, on a day when we went off the diet). They are now all I can think about. They dance before my vision. Especially the pistachio flavored kind, but I know there are so many more! I want sugar, have I said that? SUGAR. Gah. Only 4.5 lbs left.:(
So, last week and a half dragged by like knee-deep in mud. I re-gained 6 lbs from PMS and threw a fit, but have since lost it, thankfully. The 6 lbs, that is, not my sanity.
I've been tired, tired, tired, with the cats waking me up over and over again, mornings and nights, by scratching at the carpet underneath our bedroom door. I spent one work shift being dizzy and had to go sit down repeatedly. Water just made me nauseous. Still not sure what was going on there. No, I'm not pregnant.
I did buy two pairs of boots for $50 combined, got a haircut, bought a lovely sweater and a big planter with wine red mums, to shield my pieris from the sun and wind (of course I didn't get around to that until after the end of the heatwave - you go, girl). It's finally getting cooler. I'm more than ready for fall.
I Skyped with my grandparents! They were so cute! My grandmother made sure to point out, though - as she will every single time - that they're old now. Just in case I missed it. But oh! I'd so missed her shrill voice and Grandpa's baritone and they were so excited to see me.<33
I've also Skyped with my dad, whose wife has moved away because she has trouble dealing with his Aspergers. It's only supposed to be temporary and they'll be seeing a counselor, so here's hoping. I really don't want Dad to be alone again.:(
In other news, I ordered three Astrid Lindgren books in English! I'm extremely excited. Astrid Lindgren...how do I even put into words what she meant to me and most other Swedish kids growing up...she's written so many stories, created so many little worlds which all ring bright and true. Some worlds are darker than others, but she has such a firm grasp of all her characters and their humanity, that they never get TOO dark - (even when the protagonists DIE in the very beginning). Her stories can be hilarious, gruesome, dramatic, sad, idyllic and bittersweet, but they're always memorable.
I've been tired, tired, tired, with the cats waking me up over and over again, mornings and nights, by scratching at the carpet underneath our bedroom door. I spent one work shift being dizzy and had to go sit down repeatedly. Water just made me nauseous. Still not sure what was going on there. No, I'm not pregnant.
I did buy two pairs of boots for $50 combined, got a haircut, bought a lovely sweater and a big planter with wine red mums, to shield my pieris from the sun and wind (of course I didn't get around to that until after the end of the heatwave - you go, girl). It's finally getting cooler. I'm more than ready for fall.
I Skyped with my grandparents! They were so cute! My grandmother made sure to point out, though - as she will every single time - that they're old now. Just in case I missed it. But oh! I'd so missed her shrill voice and Grandpa's baritone and they were so excited to see me.<33
I've also Skyped with my dad, whose wife has moved away because she has trouble dealing with his Aspergers. It's only supposed to be temporary and they'll be seeing a counselor, so here's hoping. I really don't want Dad to be alone again.:(
In other news, I ordered three Astrid Lindgren books in English! I'm extremely excited. Astrid Lindgren...how do I even put into words what she meant to me and most other Swedish kids growing up...she's written so many stories, created so many little worlds which all ring bright and true. Some worlds are darker than others, but she has such a firm grasp of all her characters and their humanity, that they never get TOO dark - (even when the protagonists DIE in the very beginning). Her stories can be hilarious, gruesome, dramatic, sad, idyllic and bittersweet, but they're always memorable.
I LOST 5 LBS!
Also, I Skyped with my mom! It was lovely! She's tanned and blonde and looked so happy and pretty. I miss her!
I am supposed to spend at least 5 hours on my days off in the studio, drawing. I have spent, at most, an hour and a half and I am currently NOT in the studio drawing. Bad Roily. Bad.
OK, so I'm not actually DRAWING, but INKING, which is something I'm really not good at. It's HARD and it looks like crap and I'm messing up and I'm just letting myself, thinking "no one's gonna see this no one's gonna see this etc." Because no one is. But I will get better. Goshdarnit.
I better go do it now, though.
Also, I Skyped with my mom! It was lovely! She's tanned and blonde and looked so happy and pretty. I miss her!
I am supposed to spend at least 5 hours on my days off in the studio, drawing. I have spent, at most, an hour and a half and I am currently NOT in the studio drawing. Bad Roily. Bad.
OK, so I'm not actually DRAWING, but INKING, which is something I'm really not good at. It's HARD and it looks like crap and I'm messing up and I'm just letting myself, thinking "no one's gonna see this no one's gonna see this etc." Because no one is. But I will get better. Goshdarnit.
I better go do it now, though.
Not feeling eloquent, just want to crawl back into my low-carb hole and not emerge until there's 20 lbs less of me. But here's a brief status update:
- Yes, I am dieting. Me and hubby both.
- I think maybe I might not have arthritis after all.
- There's really no difference between Madagascar Vanilla and Regular Vanilla.
- There is, however, a difference between Regular Vanilla and Sugarfree Vanilla.
- *cries*
- *wants cupcakes*
- I got a webcam!
- I will start drawing again!
There. Out of steam now. Later. Have some Maru, to inspire:
- Yes, I am dieting. Me and hubby both.
- I think maybe I might not have arthritis after all.
- There's really no difference between Madagascar Vanilla and Regular Vanilla.
- There is, however, a difference between Regular Vanilla and Sugarfree Vanilla.
- *cries*
- *wants cupcakes*
- I got a webcam!
- I will start drawing again!
There. Out of steam now. Later. Have some Maru, to inspire:
Came home from the store, PMSing like a madwoman (because I wanted WHITE flowers and they STILL didn't HAVE white flowers! The nerve!) throwing stuff around (I wish I was exaggerating), yelling and stuttering as I tried to articulate to my hubby what particular flower I was looking for and not having the words (because I'm SWEDISH, dammit, and your language is friggin' difficult) and then finally running into our bedroom and slamming the door behind me. And instead of going "WTF is wrong with you?? I'll just avoid you for the rest of the day," hubby hugged me and asked what's wrong and I just started bawling and fell down on the bed, arms over my head, only to have Markus promptly deciding that my armpit was his new snuggleplace and just TRY to be mad when you have a big, purring fluffball on your face. Just try.
And now off to work. Maybe I should bring Markus with me?
And now off to work. Maybe I should bring Markus with me?
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The other night, I broke down crying at work from stress (and lack of sleep). Embarrassing.
Yesterday, I made a fool of myself cashiering and some customers rolled their eyes at me. Then I found a curtain, neatly folded like a flag.
But, before that, we went to IKEA and bought two shelves, which I will put pretty things on. And I got Dark Shadows in the mail, which may be my favorite Blade of the Immortal volume for the Anotsu/Magatsu conversation. Emotionally repressed boys saying goodbye!<3
PS: Did you guys know I spilled blueberry drink (from IKEA!) on the carpet yesterday? Did you know I actually GOT the stain OUT? Kneel, please.
Yesterday, I made a fool of myself cashiering and some customers rolled their eyes at me. Then I found a curtain, neatly folded like a flag.
But, before that, we went to IKEA and bought two shelves, which I will put pretty things on. And I got Dark Shadows in the mail, which may be my favorite Blade of the Immortal volume for the Anotsu/Magatsu conversation. Emotionally repressed boys saying goodbye!<3
PS: Did you guys know I spilled blueberry drink (from IKEA!) on the carpet yesterday? Did you know I actually GOT the stain OUT? Kneel, please.
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...is just how BRUISED you feel after rocking a weighted hoop around your midriff for just a couple minutes. They don't sell padding for that? Come on! I want my muscles to feel sore, not my skin.
It's overcast and I'm grumpy. Also: Nightcrawler #80 on IGN's Top 100 Comic Book Heroes list? Beaten by GAMBIT and BEAST?? WTH?
It's overcast and I'm grumpy. Also: Nightcrawler #80 on IGN's Top 100 Comic Book Heroes list? Beaten by GAMBIT and BEAST?? WTH?
- I just ordered these! My left foot has been swimming in rain water for too long. To add insult to injury, the shoe stores have decided that real ladies don't need boots at this time of year while the weather says that yes, you really do. So, online I went. I never ordered shoes online before. I'm a little nervous, but hey, free return shipping!
- I'm also on AO3 now! Maybe there will actually be more than one story there at some point, who knows? Seriously, my output is pathetic. I need to stop wallowing in my own inadequacy and start producing.
- My cat Busy has started stinking these past couple days. It started as a cloying, musky-sweet smell and turned fishy-cheesy after that. I suspect there's something wrong with his anal glands, so off to the vet he goes as soon as the next check rolls in and here's hoping it won't ruin us again. Sigh.
- I've gained weight and had to get new pants.:(
- I sniffed B&BW's new perfume Country Chic and now I want it. I want it bad. Although I wonder how they managed to cram "bright spring woods" in there.
- I just got Carla Speed McNeil's Finder graphic novel "Voice". It's a strange, dark, but absolutely fascinating coming-of-age tale and you all need to get it and read it. That is, if you're not allergic to being confused now and then, because the Finder world is so rich and detailed, Carla's in the habit of adding footnotes for every page at the end of every volume. But the pay-off is so worth it. Nothing in Finder feels predictable or cliched. It's a bizarre world that also makes a frightening amount of sense, and at its core is a bunch of well-rendered, believable characters. Read it, please. Support good work! She has an uncompleted sequel to Voice up on her site, un-inked, but very readable.
New rule in this house: DO NOT DISCUSS MONEY ISSUES RIGHT BEFORE BEDTIME. I couldn't get to sleep until 6AM and then I woke up again after 4 hours. But that is why they invented coffee.
Been working on fic. Yeah. This playlist with relaxing music has kept me from going mental. I recommend it to anyone who feels like they're going to pieces. Incredible visuals, too.
Sweetest game premise ever? Tiger and Monster had a fight and you must bring them back together by removing the blocks in the correct order.<33
And, finally:
( Fluffy love. )
Been working on fic. Yeah. This playlist with relaxing music has kept me from going mental. I recommend it to anyone who feels like they're going to pieces. Incredible visuals, too.
Sweetest game premise ever? Tiger and Monster had a fight and you must bring them back together by removing the blocks in the correct order.<33
And, finally:
( Fluffy love. )
Woke up around 6:30AM from EXCRUCIATING PAIN. I cried (tears and all) and screamed (literally) for hubby, who was up, and he came and saved me with his presence and a hot water bottle. Yes, it is Menstruation Time in Roily Land and the roller coasters are now operating 24/7. You might want to bring a Kleenex or two.
I took a nap, and within five seconds, Markus was there, digging at the blankets, narrowly missing my face with his claws, and he didn't stop until he was safely nestled under the covers, pressed up against me and purring like the little cuddle machine he is. When I had to switch position, he pressed up against my back instead. With a little sigh. I shouldn't love a creature that annoying so much, but he's irresistible.
Aren't you, sweetie? Yes, you are.
Yeah. That's all I've got. Now: pain killers.
I took a nap, and within five seconds, Markus was there, digging at the blankets, narrowly missing my face with his claws, and he didn't stop until he was safely nestled under the covers, pressed up against me and purring like the little cuddle machine he is. When I had to switch position, he pressed up against my back instead. With a little sigh. I shouldn't love a creature that annoying so much, but he's irresistible.
Aren't you, sweetie? Yes, you are.
Yeah. That's all I've got. Now: pain killers.
Today I frown upon Hallmark.com, where you can no longer buy individual e-cards for 99 cents. Instead, you HAVE to buy a subscription for $12 or stick with the few, crappy freebies. "Only $1 a month!" they hoot. Great if you actually tend to send more than 12 e-cards per year. A COMPLETE RIPOFF if you don't. *waves fist* I wanted to send my dad a Hoops & Yoyo card.:(
Had a bit of a nervous breakdown the other day, inspired by a leak in the garage ("leak" might not be the word, actually - water is welling up from this...thing sticking out of the floor, whenever it rains heavily), complete with wailing and crying and clinging to hubby while saying melodramatic things. A little odd, but then the thunder broke out and it all became clear. I am so in touch with nature that I always get cranky during thunderstorms. Special, huh?
Maybe that's why I don't find this soothing at all.
Anyway, the fic. It's...*sigh*...almost done. The question is how long it's going to keep being "almost done". I keep finding faults with it. The prose is just MORPHING before my eyes, reading as awkward one moment and flowing the next. I change one detail and then realize that just rendered another scene, or piece of dialogue, implausible. I'm not sure when to describe and when to just hint. This is why I so rarely write or draw or do anything creative, OK? I never get to the point when I can say "It's done" and just put it out there. Even after my hubby's beta round, I keep finding errors or things that seem like errors and they all sting. God.
The devil's in the details, I guess. Maybe I should just put it out there and edit it afterwards, if needed. Maybe? That's the perk of the Internet, after all.
Had a bit of a nervous breakdown the other day, inspired by a leak in the garage ("leak" might not be the word, actually - water is welling up from this...thing sticking out of the floor, whenever it rains heavily), complete with wailing and crying and clinging to hubby while saying melodramatic things. A little odd, but then the thunder broke out and it all became clear. I am so in touch with nature that I always get cranky during thunderstorms. Special, huh?
Maybe that's why I don't find this soothing at all.
Anyway, the fic. It's...*sigh*...almost done. The question is how long it's going to keep being "almost done". I keep finding faults with it. The prose is just MORPHING before my eyes, reading as awkward one moment and flowing the next. I change one detail and then realize that just rendered another scene, or piece of dialogue, implausible. I'm not sure when to describe and when to just hint. This is why I so rarely write or draw or do anything creative, OK? I never get to the point when I can say "It's done" and just put it out there. Even after my hubby's beta round, I keep finding errors or things that seem like errors and they all sting. God.
The devil's in the details, I guess. Maybe I should just put it out there and edit it afterwards, if needed. Maybe? That's the perk of the Internet, after all.
Tags:
- fic,
- life,
- miscellaneous,
- woe,
- writing
I'm cranky. Partly because I just got my period, but also because a check that was supposed to arrive last week still hasn't ("processing error", they just let us know, after a week, when we finally asked. It was sent yesterday, apparently), we're running out of food and have two dollars in the bank account. Also, no snow. Even though the forecast promised! :( I was hoping the snow would cheer my hubby up, but there's been nothing. Sigh. We got some snow! It's gone, but for a half hour or so, there was snow!
As soon as that check comes, we're finally going to celebrate Valentine's Day.
As soon as that check comes, we're finally going to celebrate Valentine's Day.
Well! The cold was false alarm, but I cuddled up in my shell anyway, because there's just not much going on at the moment. Oh, except that I was called to take a test re: that place I applied for a job at and if I didn't flunk too bad, they'll call me up for an interview. I don't know if I'd look forward to working there - the place seems kind of stiff - but it would be more money, and it's always all about money.
My hubby will look over my fic. This freaks me out a little, because while it's gen and I've tried not to make it very schmoopy, it's still...fangirl material and he's a guy with a guy-ish point of view and while he's promised not to snicker even on the inside, some reactions just can't be helped. But I've reached a point where I CAN'T proceed with the fic until I have someone else's input, so it must happen.
I would have thought that, at this age, I would have been more secure and confident in myself, steady as a rock and completely comfortable with who I am and what I do. But I almost feel more insecure now than I was as a teenager. It's baffling.
My hubby will look over my fic. This freaks me out a little, because while it's gen and I've tried not to make it very schmoopy, it's still...fangirl material and he's a guy with a guy-ish point of view and while he's promised not to snicker even on the inside, some reactions just can't be helped. But I've reached a point where I CAN'T proceed with the fic until I have someone else's input, so it must happen.
I would have thought that, at this age, I would have been more secure and confident in myself, steady as a rock and completely comfortable with who I am and what I do. But I almost feel more insecure now than I was as a teenager. It's baffling.
"Hon, this is not a BOOK you're writing. You are going overboard. It's just a fic. It will not nudge the universe in any direction. It is not going to be perfect and there is no need for all this micromanaging. Just get it DONE and post it and move on with your life."
And then I'm like "But. I mean. Syntax! Logic! Spelling! Characterization! *wrings hands* "
I'm going to need a beta sometime soon. Uhm. Any spontaneous volunteers?
And then I'm like "But. I mean. Syntax! Logic! Spelling! Characterization! *wrings hands* "
I'm going to need a beta sometime soon. Uhm. Any spontaneous volunteers?
I have sleeping problems. Let's not talk about that. Have some music:
Mumford & Sons - The Cave
Ingrid Michaelson - Soldier
Ingrid Michaelson - Locked up
Kent - 2000
Miscellaneous Swedish singers - Så länge skutan kan gå
Mumford & Sons - The Cave
Ingrid Michaelson - Soldier
Ingrid Michaelson - Locked up
Kent - 2000
Miscellaneous Swedish singers - Så länge skutan kan gå
Know what word I just wrote? FIN.
Know what that means? A heck of a lot of editing, but also: the story is pretty much DONE.
*screams mindlessly*
I am very happy to have managed to work both corpses and cookies into the epilogue.
It might be time for bed.
Oh yeah. Also: I applied for a second job.
Know what that means? A heck of a lot of editing, but also: the story is pretty much DONE.
*screams mindlessly*
I am very happy to have managed to work both corpses and cookies into the epilogue.
It might be time for bed.
Oh yeah. Also: I applied for a second job.
When I'm down and hubby asks me what's wrong, he usually gets a reply somewhere along the lines of "I don't knoooooooooow. It's everything. It's nothing. I heard someone say something and it made me think of this which led to that and ultimately made me realize that I'm fat and ugly and I suck."
When my hubby's down and I ask him what's wrong, he says "I want more money."
I have to go to work. I slept five hours and I'm hungry, but have no appetite and I suspect Bob might be working tonight. Tonight is going to be hell. I want more money.
When my hubby's down and I ask him what's wrong, he says "I want more money."
I have to go to work. I slept five hours and I'm hungry, but have no appetite and I suspect Bob might be working tonight. Tonight is going to be hell. I want more money.
New Year's was quiet, uneventful and good. We had been planning on going to a party, but various factors made us stay at home. No resolutions or anything, just a toast. Oh, and I made an omelette.
I have sleeping problems, bursitis in my hip and period pains. I'm working on a fandom rant, but it seems I've been bitten by the editing bug. I don't know when and if it will ever actually get properly posted.
And that's how I start off 2011. Whee.
I have sleeping problems, bursitis in my hip and period pains. I'm working on a fandom rant, but it seems I've been bitten by the editing bug. I don't know when and if it will ever actually get properly posted.
And that's how I start off 2011. Whee.
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