I'm so confused!

 I've been without Internet for DAYS! Our modem died and the new one finally arrived. After 2 hours on the phone with various tech support people, it finally seems to have started working on its own. I'm excited.

I'm also a complete psycho and need to somehow learn how to finish a drawing without tearing the paper to pieces and throwing the materials across the room. Seriously, is there therapy for this kind of thing? It's a genuine problem. 

I made this the other day, and we had it with steak. It was lovely. However, if you don't have access to wasabi-strength radishes handpicked on an organically grown farm (which we didn't), I recommend you add pepper. Next, we will make this.

I've had my very first French macaron (yes, on a day when we went off the diet). They are now all I can think about. They dance before my vision. Especially the pistachio flavored kind, but I know there are so many more! I want sugar, have I said that? SUGAR. Gah. Only 4.5 lbs left.:(

 So, last week and a half dragged by like knee-deep in mud. I re-gained 6 lbs from PMS and threw a fit, but have since lost it, thankfully. The 6 lbs, that is, not my sanity.

I've been tired, tired, tired, with the cats waking me up over and over again, mornings and nights, by scratching at the carpet underneath our bedroom door. I spent one work shift being dizzy and had to go sit down repeatedly. Water just made me nauseous. Still not sure what was going on there. No, I'm not pregnant.

I did buy two pairs of boots for $50 combined, got a haircut, bought a lovely sweater and a big planter with wine red mums, to shield my pieris from the sun and wind (of course I didn't get around to that until after the end of the heatwave - you go, girl). It's finally getting cooler. I'm more than ready for fall.

I Skyped with my grandparents! They were so cute! My grandmother made sure to point out, though - as she will every single time -  that they're old now. Just in case I missed it. But oh! I'd so missed her shrill voice and Grandpa's baritone and they were so excited to see me.<33
I've also Skyped with my dad, whose wife has moved away because she has trouble dealing with his Aspergers. It's only supposed to be temporary and they'll be seeing a counselor, so here's hoping. I really don't want Dad to be alone again.:(

In other news, I ordered three Astrid Lindgren books in English! I'm extremely excited. Astrid Lindgren...how do I even put into words what she meant to me and most other Swedish kids growing up...she's written so many stories, created so many little worlds which all ring bright and true. Some worlds are darker than others, but she has such a firm grasp of all her characters and their humanity, that they never get TOO dark - (even when the protagonists DIE in the very beginning). Her stories can be hilarious, gruesome, dramatic, sad, idyllic and bittersweet, but they're always memorable. 

( +2 )

Oh yeah! I lost 9.5 lbs! Still can't comfortably get into my old pants, though. Bah.

( Long rant about my cat under cut. )

Oh well. Other than that, I'm merely tired and have links to share for anyone who's bored:

Games:

Wonderputt - a golf game. Perhaps the cutest, loveliest, most brilliant golf game that ever came for free. There are frogs and submarines and torpedoes and cows being abducted by UFOs! Let your cursor hover over the ball and you get an arrow that you can spin around in whatever direction you want. Pull the cursor back and the arrow will widen and turn red - the wider and redder the arrow, the more force in your putt. After you've played the first 18 holes you unlock the "Wonder Mode", where you have to complete a rainbow by hitting every rainbow colored drop on the course. You can also win achievements as you go. Have fun!

Tanooky Tracks - Tanookys are mischievous little spirits that like to hide in objects that resemble themselves. This house is infested with them! Find the hiding spots of all twelve Tanookys and lure them out by either attracting them or repelling them. A hint book is provided, with riddles for each Tanooky, designed to give you a clue.  (Here's a walkthrough if you get stuck).

Vision - one of the most gorgeous escape-the-room games ever created, and a well-made game, too. It's just stunning from start to finish. (Here's a walkthrough, just in case.)  


This is just because...do I really need to explain myself? :
Adam Savage as Gollum sings "I will survive".


Oh, and have a kitten.
 
Now: I will draw.

Not feeling eloquent, just want to crawl back into my low-carb hole and not emerge until there's 20 lbs less of me. But here's a brief status update:

- Yes, I am dieting. Me and hubby both.
- I think maybe I might not have arthritis after all.
- There's really no difference between Madagascar Vanilla and Regular Vanilla.
- There is, however, a difference between Regular Vanilla and Sugarfree Vanilla.
- *cries*
- *wants cupcakes*
- I got a webcam!
- I will start drawing again!

There. Out of steam now. Later. Have some Maru, to inspire:

The other night, I broke down crying at work from stress (and lack of sleep). Embarrassing.
Yesterday, I made a fool of myself cashiering and some customers rolled their eyes at me. Then I found a curtain, neatly folded like a flag.

But, before that, we went to IKEA and bought two shelves, which I will put pretty things on. And I got Dark Shadows in the mail, which may be my favorite Blade of the Immortal volume for the Anotsu/Magatsu conversation. Emotionally repressed boys saying goodbye!<3

PS: Did you guys know I spilled blueberry drink (from IKEA!) on the carpet yesterday? Did you know I actually GOT the stain OUT? Kneel, please.

I followed hubby to have some blood drawn today (he's fine, btw) and as we arrived, two men came out of the doctor's office, one of them old and frail and leaning on a cane, and the younger one turned to him and exclaimed cheerfully: "Well! That sure didn't go the way you wanted it, did it?"
 
Other than that, not much news! Oh wait, hubby witnessed a robbery at a nearby 7/11. He hid behind The General Lee.

I'm still writing that Lynne post. It's turning out mighty long and it's, like, the third version or so. There will be pictures! Character manifestos can be difficult, especially when the character is peripheral, like Lynne is. There is so MUCH and so little at the same time.

I want to take a walk before work so badly, but it won't stop raining and it just makes me want to punch the sky in the face, bite something, tear something apart. Bad weather didn't USE to get to me this way. Is this part of growing old? I used to avoid sunshine like the plague, now my sanity seems to depend on it. The never-ending dripping sound outside the window...something's gonna snap.

I'm excited! See, I've come to a decision: I'm going to dig up and throw away the two rhododendrons in the front yard that have been giving me grief, plus the poor spirea. I will replace one of the rhodys with a new one (red!) and where the spirea and the other rhody was, I shall plant this. Isn't it gorgeous? Things will be on their way to being beautiful! I think.

Today will be awesome.

- I made key lime & white chocolate cupcakes! They taste as splendidly as you might suspect.

- I randomly found a blog post with an adorable little girl. It was her birthday party and it was all a big success (even though she had ordered a blue cake and got a green one instead - blue food coloring's hard to find in Sweden, I've noticed).

- Markus the Cat is a smooth, conniving little sociopath! We feed our two cats separately, due to Busy getting crystals and needing a special diet. Markus is overweight, so he gets a small amount of diet food twice a day. Busy's a snacker with an overactive metabolism, so we've taken to feeding him several times a day. Sometimes Markus happens to be in the room when this happens, even though he's not supposed to be. Like today. He was aware, of course, that he wasn't allowed to eat out of Busy's bowl, and keenly aware that we were right there, watching him. So he sat himself down next to Busy, staring at him snacking away for a while. Then he very, very gently and politely stretched out a paw, and fished out a piece of food onto the carpet, where he devoured it. While we gaped, he repeated the process.
He got into trouble, alright, but it's hard to be mad at someone that cheeky.

- Oh! Easter baskets! I got a huge Easter basket with candy from my hubby! He also included sugar snap peas and chips with guacamole dip! I got him one, too, with smoked oysters and cream cheese and Trisquits and candy and a chocolate bunny with a little storybook where you can read the tale of the bunny you just bit the head off. <3

- And I made stuffed game hens! (Take a look at Elsa's blog, btw - it's mainly in Swedish, but she and her blog is gorgeous. Someone even started a tumblr for her!)

I've had an awesome day! My new boots are amazing - comfy and gorgeous and perfect - and we got some money, so we went out to eat and went to town and Bath & Body Works had this buy-3-get-3-free deal, so I splurged and came home with two fragrance mists ("Carried Away" and "Country Chic"), two shea cashmere hand creams (same), one shower gel ("Country Chic") and one body lotion ("Dancing Waters")! Oh, and I bought a most pleasant issue of Wolverine.<3 Also: blackberry lemonade.

Tired. Nap now.

I baked cookies! They are delicious.

Here's how my cooking experiments turned out:

Shredded carrots lightly fried up with ginger, sweet chili sauce and some cream and served with chorizo: good. There was something a little lacking, though. Maybe I should have used fresh ginger instead of dry. Maybe I should have added something more. I will work on it.

Shrimp salad with turnips: meh. Not because shrimp and turnips isn't a smashing combination, because it is. But with "salad", I mean the kind that has a mayonnaise-and-sour cream base, and it tasted bland despite the addition of tabasco and sriracha, up until I finally got the kick I needed by adding lemon juice. Problem was that I couldn't taste the turnips after that. So maybe I should just shred turnips over a regular salad with shrimp on it? There must be a way!

Fennel- and pear salad: good! Just a little bit dry, because I just added the fennel and pear to spinach.  I love the fennel-pear combination, though. It's light and fresh. I just need to think of some kind of dressing that won't overpower it.

Ground beef fried up with peanuts, peas and sourcream (with sweet chili sauce and sriracha added for kick) : heck yes! Too bad it's not my idea, though - My dad used to make it.

Tilapia baked with tomatoes, onions, tarragon and cream: good, but I think my hubby wanted a little more flavor to it. I come from the land of bland food, I'm afraid.

Potatoes and onions fried up with dijon mustard and served with roast beef: YES! Sometimes it doesn't need to be more complicated than that.

-----

I'm trying to start another fic, but don't know what to write about. I do know that I want it to be a continuation of The Quiet House, exploring where their relationship goes after that, but I can't have it be just about their relationship or I will bore myself writing it (I'm not sure why, but there's quite a gap between what I like to read and what I like to write). There needs to be a plot, I'm afraid. And I'm kind of no good at plot.

So, after finishing the fic, I kind of...dropped. I didn't want to write anything at all, really, so I just curled up in my shell with a bunch of chocolate and games. I've had worse weeks.

Hubby will be too occupied to cook the coming week, so it will be up to me! Meaning, lots of vegetables. I have so much I want to try! I fried up some carrots with ginger, sweet chili sauce and some cream the other day and had it with Polish sausage. Yesterday I discovered that turnips go well with shrimp. I want to make a fennel salad with pears and...something! Green beans with something lemony! Bake tilapia with tomatoes and onions and cream! Make these mashed potatoes! I want everything to be magnificent!

Also: I got a 25 cent raise and a very good work review! The standard raise is apparently 20 cents. I called hubby and he greeted me with flowers after work, as well as two napoleon pastries and strawberries covered in chocolate.<33

And...yes.

WRITE, WOMAN! WRITE! POLISH THAT THING UP UNTIL IT FLOWS LIKE A BEAUTIFUL, SUN-DAPPLED STREAM OF LIFE-GIVING PROSE!





Message not to self:

I have today off, y'all. It will be spent right here, in a haze of caffeine-induced creativity. 

Also, I bought a watch at work yesterday for $4. A co-worker deemed it "badass". It is.

Woke up around 6:30AM from EXCRUCIATING PAIN. I cried (tears and all) and screamed (literally) for hubby, who was up, and he came and saved me with his presence and a hot water bottle. Yes, it is Menstruation Time in Roily Land and the roller coasters are now operating 24/7. You might want to bring a Kleenex or two.

I took a nap, and within five seconds, Markus was there, digging at the blankets, narrowly missing my face with his claws, and he didn't stop until he was safely nestled under the covers, pressed up against me and purring like the little cuddle machine he is. When I had to switch position, he pressed up against my back instead. With a little sigh. I shouldn't love a creature that annoying so much, but he's irresistible.



Aren't you, sweetie? Yes, you are.

Yeah. That's all I've got. Now: pain killers.

Today I frown upon Hallmark.com, where you can no longer buy individual e-cards for 99 cents. Instead, you HAVE to buy a subscription for $12 or stick with the few, crappy freebies. "Only $1 a month!" they hoot. Great if you actually tend to send more than 12 e-cards per year. A COMPLETE RIPOFF if you don't. *waves fist* I wanted to send my dad a Hoops & Yoyo card.:(


Had a bit of a nervous breakdown the other day, inspired by a leak in the garage ("leak" might not be the word, actually - water is welling up from this...thing sticking out of the floor, whenever it rains heavily), complete with wailing and crying and clinging to hubby while saying melodramatic things. A little odd, but then the thunder broke out and it all became clear. I am so in touch with nature that I always get cranky during thunderstorms. Special, huh?
Maybe that's why I don't find this soothing at all.


Anyway, the fic. It's...*sigh*...almost done. The question is how long it's going to keep being "almost done". I keep finding faults with it. The prose is just MORPHING before my eyes, reading as awkward one moment and flowing the next. I change one detail and then realize that just rendered another scene, or piece of dialogue, implausible. I'm not sure when to describe and when to just hint. This is why I so rarely write or draw or do anything creative, OK? I never get to the point when I can say "It's done" and just put it out there. Even after my hubby's beta round, I keep finding errors or things that seem like errors and they all sting. God.
The devil's in the details, I guess. Maybe I should just put it out there and edit it afterwards, if needed. Maybe? That's the perk of the Internet, after all.